my official statement

It is after much deliberation and extensive deliberation with all my stakeholders that I have come to this decision, which is mine alone and is not linked to you or anyone else’s grandfather. This is not a situation I never imagined or intended when I embarked on this journey of a lifetime. I mean, I never wanted to be the center of attraction, or even a distraction. But I have long wanted to take such a decision and issue such a statement.

You might wonder why. Am I Joseph K, about whom someone must be lying? Not really, although I live in Kafkaland. Am I a hyper-rich getting divorced like Bill G. or Jeff B.? Not really, though it would be nice to know how my conduct can change if someone transfers a few dozen crores to my bank account. By the way, I encourage those of you who can afford this interesting experiment to go ahead and try it. People who are not wealthy enough can always go for crowd-funding. Thanks to Aadhaar and Digital India, my bank details are easily accessible on the darknet.

Anyway, all I can say is that my statement is not intended to hurt any community, race, nationality, religion, brand, person, animal or vegetable (plant body parts as well as primates in voluntary coma) Not inspired. Nevertheless, if anyone is offended by reading my statement or learning of my decision – which is completely understandable – I offer them my unconditional advance apology.

With the inevitable apology, let me get to the bit you’ve been waiting for: my mental health. It is true that an ‘official statement’ has to go some way before a novel, sonnet or narrative can attain the literary stature of non-fiction. But it has evolved rapidly over the past eight months, in the murky waters of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and many other social media that you don’t give a ku about. A characteristic of the most memorable specimens of modern and even postmodern authoritative statements is a persuasive paragraph or two on the narrator’s mental health challenges.

constellation of symptoms

so am i sad? My stakeholders tell me that I should avoid any reference to depression. His reasoning: By referring to mental health in my official statement, I can open myself to allegations of trivializing mental health concerns. After all, wouldn’t it be considered objectionable if I were to state in the statement that anything I say (about depression or anything else) is likely to cause people to take offense to the difference between depression or depression? Is. The constellation of symptoms that mimics depression without actually qualifying for the title, as it were on purely clinical merit?

Whatever the case may be, for all these reasons, and with deep regret, I wish to announce that I am withdrawing with immediate effect from all my responsibilities as a citizen entitled to a constitutional democracy. This is a purely personal decision and has nothing to do with the erosion of the rule of law in my country or the climate of fear and self-censorship or the widespread loss of confidence in the country’s ability to protect its institutions. The democratic rights of the common Indian and above all the media in general.

Oh by Jingo!

Notwithstanding the above, I will continue to fulfill my duties as a proud nationalist and ardent linguist. That is to say, whether or not I love my fellow Indians – especially those who are not of my own religion, caste or class – I will continue to love the territorial boundaries of my country. This naturally follows from my longstanding belief that there is nothing in the universe more worthy of adoration than the Government of India and the moral stalwarts who run it.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the Government of India for providing national security to every citizen of India. This is all the more preferable because millions of Indians still do not enjoy job security, food security, health security, education security or survival security. Some may be wondering: It’s great to focus on protecting our borders, but what about the people who live within those borders? Do they not deserve protection from hunger, malnutrition, disease, police atrocities and surveillance violence as they deserve protection from terrorist violence and Pakistan? My advice to these misguided souls: Please make yourself voluntarily investigated by ED for money-laundering, by NCB for drug-possession, and by NIA for waging constitutional jihad.

In the end, all I want to say is that it is very important to understand what is and the relationship with whoever is, and in this difficult time, I request you all to respect my privacy and my Give me the space I need. The place I want is located in Australia and it costs a lot of money. So don’t forget what I said about crowd-funding.

Yes. Sampath, the author of this satire, is the editor of social affairs, Hindu.