According to archaeological evidence, I dug with my own hands, it was one of my ancestors who founded the Indus Valley Civilization. Remember that statue of a bearded bald man from Mohenjodaro? That’s him!
According to archaeological evidence, I dug with my own hands, it was one of my ancestors who founded the Indus Valley Civilization. Remember that statue of a bearded bald man from Mohenjodaro? That’s him!
How long have you been reading this column? Now three-four-five years? And what do you know about me? Other than the fact that I am an ultra-patriot who would sacrifice anything for his country, very little. Now is the time for you to get to know me better. Plus, it’s rewriting season history, Government spokespersons have already said IndiaThe past will be rewritten from our own point of view, not from the perspective of Mars we find in our school books. It has also inspired me to rewrite my personal and family history from my personal point of view and share it with you all – not the full story, just the highlights. What follows is nothing but the purest truth backed by exhaustive historical research and rigorous documentation.
Prithviraj’s arrow
For starters, did you know that my family is 5,000 years old? Yes! According to the archaeological evidence, which I dug with both my hands during my last visit to Harappa, he was one of my ancestors who founded the Indus Valley Civilization. I am sure you must have seen his picture in history books. remember that Statue of a bearded bald man from Mohenjo-daro, That’s him! According to the calculations of a mathematician cousin of mine, I am his 87-times great-grandson who, incidentally, is a direct descendant of Aryabhatta.
Everyone is talking about this new documentary on the cleverly titled Prithviraj Chauhan Emperor Prithviraj, If you have seen it, you will be amazed by the fact that even though Muhammad Ghori died 14 years after Prithviraj’s death, Prithviraj still managed to kill him with an arrow on the neck. In fact, it was my ancestors – a well-known arms dealer of the time – who gave Prithviraj the sophisticated arrowhead, a small piece of which I carried in my wallet and kept before donating it to the National Museum. Artificial History, New Delhi.
Furthermore, when the great Tamil emperor Rajaraja Chola defeated Alexander the Great at the Second Battle of Choolaimedu, it was only because of the sacrifices of my great-(47 times)-grandmother, who served as a Chola spy in Alexander’s army. Grown up. Important intelligence to Rajaraja by honey-trapping Sikandar’s Chief of Staff. When Alexander found out, he shot him in the head with a Beretta 92. Legend has it that even today if you visit Chulamedu on a full moon night, you can hear the desolate cries of Rajaraja mourning the untimely death of his lover-cum-. Swadeshi Mata Hari.
, photo credit: Getty Images
In your school days, you must have read about a certain ‘Aurangzeb’. I am sure that not a single Indian text book mentions an important piece of information about Aurangzeb: the name given to him by his parents was ‘Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam’. Till date no one knows who changed his name to Aurangzeb. Perhaps if his name was Dr APJ Abdul Kalam, he would have become a missile scientist or even a President. But he became a dictator instead. Anyway, in case you are wondering how I know this, it was my great-(13 times)-grandfather-uncle who discovered Aurangzeb’s Aadhar card, where his name is clearly ‘Mr. Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam’ ‘ is written as
Approaching the present, my great-grandfather commanded five battalions India’s first war of independence in 1857, He also defeated the British in the famous Battle of Greater Noida-Sector 127, before one of his lieutenants who was on the British payroll killed him by secretly mixing rat poison in his sauce. (My great-grandfather was allergic to rat poison).
backward catching
My father’s generation, for the most part, kept their heads down and led a quiet life. But even they didn’t stay completely out of the history books. It was one of my uncles who used to give Kapil Dev catch practice when he was a teenager, especially focusing on catching while running backwards. As you can imagine, it was this solid foundation in backward catching that enabled Kapil to take that famous catch to dismiss Viv Richards, without which India would not have won. 1983 world cup final, Thus my family had a minor but major role to play in the biggest victory in India’s sporting history.
This column is a satire on life and society
Then I reached the stage of world history. After topping my class from pre-nursery to class XII, I earned a degree in holistic journalism from the Kulumbu School of Journalism (Vathal) in New York. While working as an intern with the New York Bureau Gummidipondi Times, I broke down the Watergate story and then the Iran-Contra scandal. On the strength of these victories, I was selected to cover the Vietnam War, which I did successfully from 1981-92. Last year I won the Paulister Prize for Lifetime Achievement in Journalism, which I dedicated to 21st century India’s proud tradition of free media and press freedom.
As you can see, I have a wonderful history, which I am proud of. Is your shame dull? Just rewrite it.
Yes. Sampath, writer The editor of the social affairs of this satire is The Hindu.
sampath.g@thehindu.co.in