New Delhi: We’ve all been there, that stage when we’re falling in love with a person and how perfect everything seems. It is perfectly normal to go through this process, says an expert, but what happens next? How do we mature into something more stable and enduring than this infatuation? How do we deal with our partner’s flaws once we get past the butterflies-in-the-pet stage?
There are many reasons why people become emotionally unavailable to their partners, says Chandni Tughnait, a psychotherapist, life and business coach, and founder-director of Gateway of Healing. Tugnait talks about what one can do about this disconnect:
get too caught up in the phase of infatuation
Falling on someone’s head is not a matter of everyone’s business. Some people enter relationships slowly, taking the time to really get to know the other person and letting themselves slowly fall into place, while others rush into relationships and focus only on the good things. To some degree, we all have rose-tinted glasses when we are fascinated by someone; Everything about our new love interest feels right, so we conclude that they would be perfect for us. We may also neglect issues in the relationship as a whole because we are driven by an intense need for perfection which makes it difficult for us to see things objectively. For this reason, people can be disappointed in their partner once they come out of this infatuation, because they expect something from them that was never established.
no personal limit
Setting our own boundaries is something that many of us struggle with, especially in romantic relationships. Keeping a certain distance between you and your partner can seem intimidating and it can be difficult to find the right balance between being too close and suffocating the relationship. However, having solid boundaries will allow you to enjoy this relationship without losing yourself in it.
they have unrealistic expectations
When you start a serious relationship having realistic expectations about what you are going through is very important to the success of the relationship. Many people set themselves up for failure because they create unrealistic expectations; For example, they may expect that their partner will always be available and willing to put their relationship first, leaving other things behind.
having trouble accepting your shortcomings
The best way for your partner not to get overwhelmed by your flaws is to admit them to yourself first. There are many people who refuse to take responsibility for some of the wrong things in relationships, yet they still get upset when their loved ones point out the flaws which in turn fuels conflict between them. It is also very important to be empathetic towards your partner and try to understand their point of view so that you can establish healthy communication.
they stop trying
Making some kind of effort will only keep the relationship alive. When people stop trying to make things work it usually means they have lost interest in the relationship but still want to keep it as long as possible; Usually because they are afraid of being alone or alone.
They start to think they don’t deserve better
Many of us enter new relationships with the idea that we don’t deserve better than anyone else and so we end up accepting all kinds of unacceptable behavior from our partners. We ourselves can be in this situation too! Think about that for a second; When you think you don’t deserve better, it means that one day you will stop trying to find someone who is really good for you because deep down, the idea that, “they are as good as are” still persists.
They stop seeing their partner’s faults.
A relationship can only work when both people accept each other’s flaws and learn how to behave accordingly. For example, if your partner has anger management issues, great care needs to be taken so that they don’t lash out or get angry at you when they’re mad or after they’ve calmed down. However, this can only happen if both partners are willing to talk about their flaws and improve the way they act on them.
they don’t express their feelings
Even when it comes to expressing their feelings, some people take things too far without thinking or saying anything and suppressing everything. This usually results from an overload or lack of information respectively, making it difficult for anyone to understand what is going on. The worst part is that it never allows your partner to fully understand how you feel, so they won’t be able to comfort you and help you through difficult situations. Expressing yourself is very important as you learn what bothers you and how you can fix it, while enabling your partner to understand and comfort you.
They start to think they don’t deserve to be happy
Then, it goes back to the point we talked about earlier, when you feel like you don’t deserve better and therefore end up accepting all kinds of bad behavior from your partner. It also creates a feeling of nostalgia because no matter what happens, your life will always be stuck in the same place where it is difficult to find anything new or exciting. This, in turn, makes you feel sad.
They try to take control of their relationship
This usually happens when people are afraid of losing their loved ones so they try to do anything to keep them as long as possible. However, trying to control every aspect of a relationship usually results in a lack of communication, emotionally suffocating the partner, becoming angry, annoyed and preventing any kind of healthy relationship from emerging. .
they isolate themselves
Being emotionally unavailable to the point when you stop making friends can be very dangerous because when there is no one around to support you, it will be harder for your partner to do the same. This makes the situation worse as it becomes difficult for anyone to help you break out of that vicious circle.
they are just lazy
Some people are unable to complete tasks or maintain good habits when they stop to think about what would happen if they failed at something. For example, it’s easy to cancel your plans a couple of times at the last minute, but as those habits build up over time, your partner will start to feel that their appearance doesn’t matter much and it usually doesn’t matter. But leads to an emotionally abusive relationship.
they think the grass is green on the other side
Some people always want more, no matter what. Often, this results in their relationship deteriorating as they seek better things outside, even though they already have everything. Over time, you may develop an attitude of constantly wanting something more or expecting too much from your partner and this can make them feel less loved by you.
they lose themselves on the way
Sometimes, we forget about our feelings or desires as we complicate ourselves in our day-to-day activities. This usually happens after long-term relationships where partners start to feel like they can’t do anything without supporting their significant other all the time and making everything better. In the end, it’s hard to feel like you have your own identity as the other person begins to have too much control over your life.
they get comfortable with the routine
Some people don’t know how to break out of a rut so they don’t do anything about it and the result is that they get stuck with their partner on an emotional level too. This usually happens when one is satisfied with the current situation and stops caring about improving things between them. If you let these opportunities for change slip away from you, all that will remain is a relationship that no longer exists or has no value.
poison itself
Sometimes people become emotionally unavailable because of their own issues that stem from past experiences or being in contact with those who experienced them for too long. If you surround yourself with destructive people, sooner or later you will start developing a lifestyle based on toxicity, which will always be unfavorable for everyone around you.
Be mindful, take responsibility, and nurture the relationship by being emotionally available with your partner and allowing yourself to do the same. Reaffirm commitment, surprise your partner and most importantly, be available to them.
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